Where to from here? An update on 6 years of blogging
When I started this blog (originally ‘Teacups + Tantrums’) in 2012, I did it for creativity. I was going through my worst time with anxiety and the tell-tale signs of depression, was incredibly frail, and had lost the creative outlet I had throughout my studying years. My blog didn’t save me, but it helped to get me out of the hole I was in.
6 years have passed from there, and I wouldn’t throw away the opportunities, friendships, long long hours and many tears for anything else. I feel so incredibly fortunate for the life I have built for myself, but for now it hasn’t been enough. I’ve felt inadequate.
You see, 6, 5, 4, and even 3 years ago it was totally okay to be a fashion and beauty blogger in New Zealand. You didn’t need to have an angle, or an edge because you already were niche, one of the few.
In 2018 however, I sit amongst some of the most beautiful, inspiring, young “influencers” (yip, that’s a term used now) that NZ has ever seen; and I’m sitting at the back.
With this in mind (and not one to give up every time I really fucking want to), for quite a while I’ve been trying to think of “my angle”. Why do people follow Ruby Fearless? Who are my followers/girl gang? What sets me apart? It’s been something on my mind for the last 18 months.
But I just haven’t been able to come up with anything. I’m honestly your average Kiwi girl, and that’s totally okay, just not when you’re trying so hard to stand out.
So when I did a shoot yesterday with my amazing #InstaHusband (poor man), I found myself once again deflated. We don’t have the money for new things, or branded pieces, or a wardrobe full of accessories in every colour. I couldn’t help but compare myself to the other influencers out there that have professional photographers a text message away, a wardrobe that Carrie Bradshaw would be proud of, and a brand that will generally then get booked for these very reasons. “That’s an influencer”, I thought, as I got changed in the backseat of my car for the 100th time, wiped my tears and did a shoot.
What a jerk I had been to myself yesterday! What a jerk I have been to myself for a while now…
And there it was, my angle, staring me straight in the face since I rebranded late 2013.
Throughout my last 28 years (and definitely the last 6), I’ve looked challenges, stereotypes, and society in the face and found inner resilience time-and-time again, when fear was at its strongest.
I think subconsciously I named my blog Ruby Fearless as a hope this would come naturally, but it hasn’t, and I sure haven’t lived fearlessly. I have, however lived with courage and a trust in what will come by getting through tough times, and with this, have a lot of success (and fail) stories that I think could inspire others.
So this is me, and if you’d like to follow your average Kiwi girl that is using the drive of “fearlessness” to create a life she loves, then Ruby Fearless is for you.